Through the pandemic of 2020 the public health officer of British Columbia, Dr. Bonnie Henry, reminds us each day to “be kind, be calm, and be safe”. So what exactly is kind? Oxford dictionary defines kind (adjective) as caring about others, gentle, friendly, and generous. Here is how kids define it: https://youtu.be/c7YW9cMQrw0 The effects of kindness have shown to improve our relationships, our mental health, and even our physical health. At school, we do not just expect kindness of our kids, we teach it. As parents, caregivers, and teachers one of the ways kids develop an understanding of kindness is by watching how we treat others. Kindness can modeled in how we talk to others, how we talk about others, how we treat strangers, how we treat ourselves, and how we solve conflicts. Where can you practice kindness? In your self-talk; when you make a mistake? In how you deal with the person in front of you is driving slow? In how you treat your loved ones when you are frustrated? We all deserve kindness and the effects ripple farther than the person receiving the kindness. https://youtu.be/YYnWsAoGRPE The Random Acts of Kindness Foundation has great free kindness resources: https://www.randomactsofkindness.org/ Being outside is beneficial to all people, young or old. Research is growing in a scientific field called “ecotherapy” which shows the connection between time spent in nature and reduced stress, anxiety and depression. If you want more information here are two articles from Harvard Health Publishing:
“A prescription for better health: go alfresco” https://www.health.harvard.edu/newsletter_article/a-prescription-for-better-health-go-alfresco “Sour mood getting you down? Get back to nature” - https://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/sour-mood-getting-you-down-get-back-to-nature If you’re like me, research is great, but give me something to do! Here are some great plant activities that require minimal supplies that you can start inside on a rainy day and then move outside to a garden. As many adults can attest to, there is something calming about having a garden and playing in soil. Why not give a small space in the yard for kids to play and experiment. Remember to remind your kids that it’s not the result but the journey and there is always learning that comes from things not working out!
As a school counsellor I often tell other educators and parents to try and foster an environment where the full spectrum of emotions are welcomed and accepted. We know that raising emotionally intelligent children helps them manage their emotions throughout their lives. A good place to start is by educating kids on the range of emotions and allowing them a safe space to express them.
That is my logical brain speaking. My emotional brain often has a tough time listening to my logical brain. When my child or students are showing emotions other than joy I often find myself trying to ‘fix’ it. This often looks like trying to cheer them up, using distractions, entertaining, and so forth. This is not the best way of showing them that all emotions are welcome and often leaves me feeling exhausted and resentful. So how can we help children believe that all emotions are valuable? Music is one answer that I like to use. How many of the songs that you find yourself belting out in the car are driven by an emotion other than joy? Many top hits are fueled by grief, frustration, sadness, longing, etc. This week try getting every family member to pick a favourite song and then have a discussion at dinner around the emotions that fuel that song. See if you can find songs for multiple emotions and if you are really creative you can even try writing family songs for different emotions! For more ways to support emotional intelligence check out Dr. Laura Markham’s article: https://www.ahaparenting.com/parenting-tools/emotional-intelligence/steps-to-encourage We discussed the first step of Emotion-Coaching in a blog about Validation last month. Validation is a powerful tool because it shows your child you understand their experience and it proves that you “get it.” After you have fully validated your child’s feelings, they will be ready and open to support. This involves meeting your child’s emotional and practical needs. Their emotional need may be met by offering comfort or space. Practical needs are met through redirecting your child, helping them problem solve, or setting limits. However, connection comes first. Meeting these needs will not work unless your child feels safe and understood. Remember to take a deep breath and check in with your own emotions first. Parents are superheroes who know their child best. *Tip: Match your child’s volume/tone/body language/energy. When it comes to anger, don’t show anger, just be expressive and use strong energy. Emotional Support:
Practical Support:
So remember:
Interested in the psychology behind co-regulating your child’s emotions? Watch: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=apzXGEbZht0 to see a famous experiment how children co-regulate their emotions with their caregivers. Click here for short-cuts and sentence starters to help practice this skill: https://e78f226b-636a-4b6d-b774-75ca09eb3c0c.filesusr.com/ugd/c390c7_85269bd0a7f0450c9b19167907654cb3.pdf Click here for a great article that explains this further: https://pickanytwo.net/the-train-analogy-that-will-change-how-you-see-your-crying-child/?utm_campaign=shareaholic&utm_medium=facebook&utm_source=socialnetwork Source: https://www.mentalhealthfoundations.ca/ |