Stress is contagious...yup it sure is. Even if you doubt that statement, I'm sure you can think of a time when you were as calm as a cucumber and entered a room with stressed out people, and you probably felt it.
Recent changes have led to increased stress levels in our homes, communities, nationally and globally. We are designed to handle stress, and some of us even seem to thrive initially when thrust into stressful situation. However, over time stress turns into distress, which can have negative consequences on our physical and mental health. We all have tipping points; thresholds. Right now some people are thriving, and some people are struggling. It's like a continuum and and you might be fluctuating weekly, daily or even hourly. Closures and restrictions have altered the way that many of us were managing our stress, and parenting with this imbalance is challenging to say the least. Whether you're thriving or already burned out, it's never a bad thing to schedule some time for stress management. How do I do that? Try asking yourself- what will/is nourishing me, and what is/will deplete me? Create a list or a diagram. If you don't know, as you move through the day, check in with yourself and ask whether you are nourished ( refreshed, calm, higher tolerance) or more depleted ( sad, bored, frustrated, drained). Can you add more nourishing activities to your day? Can you shift, change or modify some of the depleting activities ? Collaborate and communicate as a family with this activity- it would be a great way to learn about one another because we are all different- what nourishes one might deplete another. Discuss and brainstorm how everyone can try to create more balance in themselves and thus the home. We pass our calm onto our children. Our expectations need to shift right now; we need to find ways to be kind and gentle with other, but also ourselves because we never know someone else's stress level. Here are some additional links and information: Sonja Lyubomirsky's website has information and research on happiness including daily habits to cultivate it http://thehowofhappiness.com Self-compassion is a skill. Do you find yourself more critical of yourself than you are of others? Visit https://self-compassion.org Mindfulness which was discussed in our Blog, Dinner Table Conversations, as well as on our emotional regulation page . Take a free 8 week course on Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction by visiting https://palousemindfulness.com/ While attention spans clearly vary by age, we need to also consider that environmental and emotional stressors may also affect our ability to focus and concentrate. So when we look at the average focusing times listed here, our expectations these days should be on the lower side of these estimations and perhaps even lower. That goes for children and adults alike. So what can we do when the work still needs to get done? Why not try a Brain Break?
What are they and why do we need them? Taking just a few minutes for a Brain Break can not only help to refocus our brains and re-energize our bodies but they can also help reduce anxiety and promote emotional regulation, which is essential for learning. A Brain Break might involve movement, stretching, or just some quiet, focused breathing. So, when you’re feeling tired, overwhelmed, fuzzy headed, or even jittery or wiggly, try a Brain Break! Brain Breaks can be as quick and simple as:
As parents, we can do a lot to cultivate emotional intelligence. In fact, many of the ways we help young people develop emotional intelligence is simple and might even be things you already do with your family. Some key things to keep in mind:
Elementary:
A great podcast on emotional literacy: https://brenebrown.com/podcast/dr-marc-brackett-and-brene-on-permission-to-feel/. Below is a helpful graphic summarizing the podcast! *(Retrieved from https://www.marcbrackett.com)
Why is a scavenger hunt in a counselling blog?
Playing games together as a family helps to build connection. Connection is important in building trust, empathy and healthy attachment. When you’re having fun together you build a wide range of skills from the ability to take turns, share and be compassionate. It’s also enjoyable! I don’t know about you, but I LOVED scavenger hunts as a kid. I bet I would even like doing one now with a bunch of adults! This website has an amazing list of creative scavenger hunts you can do as a family - https://www.goodhousekeeping.com/life/parenting/g32050844/scavenger-hunt-ideas-for-kids/ They have examples that range from indoor hunts to outside drawing scavenger hunts. Hope you enjoy this idea! This pandemic has brought on some additional stressors for parents. Many of us are finding ourselves trying to ‘manage’ a house, that we aren’t used to being in all the time, while trying to educate children and fill in the gaps of every other resource that offered us support. Wow, this can be overwhelming! Let’s first take a step back and just say; great job for making it this far parents; you have a lot on your plate! We can take some simple steps to support our families’ mental wellness without adding another to-do to the never ending list. I am finding Mindfulness the easiest support for me personally during these challenging times. Many have heard of Mindfulness an increasingly popular practice to help reduce stress, anxieties, and depression. The purpose of Mindfulness is to build moment-to-moment awareness of our thoughts and feelings through a non-judgmental lens. Head over to the parent Emotional Regulation tab to read more, and access a videos on Mindfulness. Here are some Mindful Dinner Activities to try at the dinner table: A dinner table conversation to help practice mindfulness is ‘mindful eating.’ This can be done in two stages. At the first dinner everyone take turns taking a bite of food and spending 15 seconds in silence focusing on the taste and texture of the food. At the end of the 15 seconds go around the table and share your tastes and textures. At your second dinner focus on ‘mindful consumption.’ Each family member pick one dinner ingredient and when it is your turn share; where you think the food came from, how it travelled to your plate, who or what helped it get there. Both of these dinners are easy ways to practice being present in the moment as a family, and also a great distraction from the present pandemic. For more “dinner table conversations” check out @the.mamatribe where a new video idea is released every day of the week. “Emotions go up like an elevator but the door to reason is on the ground floor. Emotion coaching can get you there.” Dr. Adele Lafrance
We all need connection and validation. When a child is experiencing big emotions, caregivers have the power to coach them through it. Remember, the emotion needs to run its course and validation helps. Take a deep breath and check in with your own emotions. If we are calm, we are better equipped to help calm our children. The next step is to validate our child’s emotions. Big emotions feel scary. It can feel like we are encouraging our child’s outburst, when in fact we are walking them safely through it. When we validate children’s feelings, we help them off-load them. This makes space for calm. Remain calm, open and not defensive. When a child explodes or melts down, they are expressing a need to feel heard and connected. Try to imagine why your child feels that way and show them you understand (even if you disagree!). The key to validation is changing but to because and following it with 3 reasons why they may be feeling that way. Match your child’s volume and tone. Instead of: “You’re feeling sad about what is happening, but don’t worry, you’ll get through it.” Try: “You’re feeling sad because you’re missing your friends, you can’t do the normal activities you love, and school feels harder from home.” Activity: The next time your child experiences an outburst of emotion, try to validate their feelings. Anger: I don’t blame you for feeling angry because ________ because ________ and because ________. Sadness: Of course you’re feeling sad, because ________ because ________ and because ________. Fear: It’s okay to feel worried or afraid. Things feel unsure right now because________ because ________ and because ________. Visit https://www.mentalhealthfoundations.ca/resources for more resources for parents surrounding emotion-coaching and supportive your child’s emotional well-being. (Source: https://e78f226b-636a-4b6d-b774-75ca09eb3c0c.filesusr.com/ugd/c390c7_2a970b5df7ee40428dedb31d25a4c843.pdf) We know that not everyone, for varying reasons, celebrate the holidays, but we also want to acknowledge those that do. For many, this weekend may look and feel very different from what you’re used to. Restrictions on social gatherings might change how your family traditionally celebrates. Worries around illness, job security, finances, and countless other concerns may also be affecting the mood in your household and making it difficult to muster the energy and effort it takes to celebrate anything. Please know that feelings of grief and loss during these challenging times is natural and understandable, so please, give yourself permission to keep things simple.
Check out the article by Kristen Weir on the American Psychological Association website called Grief and COVID-19: Mourning our Bygone lives. We are also hearing messages of strength, empathy, resiliency and creativity. Many are using this unique opportunity to create new traditions and ways of connecting with friends and family. If you and the ones you care about are grieving the loss of traditions whether that be in the day-to-day processes or connected to the holiday celebrations try some of these creative solutions to help foster some positive emotions: · Practicing gratitude ( coming up with three things a day you are grateful for; great done as a whole family) · Creating and trying new things that might become new traditions (going for a picnic, board game night, a new recipe) · Be creative with technology ( maybe a place setting for the iPad so friends or family can join you remotely) Take Care Locus of ControlWhat can we do when things feel out of control? Control often makes us feel safer or at least gives us the illusion that we are safer, but too often, our brains spend time worrying about things we can’t control and this in turn can cause a lot of unnecessary fear and anxiety. Learning to focus instead on the things you can control can help calm those fears and feel more confident. We can’t control other people or the things happening in the world. We can control our own thoughts, feelings and actions. Take a look at the picture provided by The Counseling Teacher Activity:
Make your own Locus of Control activity by drawing or cutting out two concentric circles. List all the things you can’t control in the outside circle, and the things you can in the inside circle. When you find yourself feeling stressed or worried, try to stay focused on the things you can control. Or Click here to go to the Teachers Pay Teachers website for a free printable version: |
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